wow that was a really good poem...its really creative. good job. i might post some of mine later too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axem Rangers  Well, there's a writing thread, but I thought poetry and/or lyrics should be kept seperate, so here we are...
I just wrote this tonight, and though it's still completely unrefined and unedited as of yet, I could appreciate some feedback:
"Descention" (working title)
You can see white spirals of snow fall
Down through a window to where the cold is stored
And in the dark it illuminates
The face of someone, hated and ignored
In the faded frame he sits
Painted back when there was light
But in the dark he cannot see
The other side of this man-made night
His age is masked by the layers of mist
And yet he still looks beyond his years
For though his eyes and wounds are old
Fresh and young are his blood and tears
And though he has no want of voice
He could not speak even if he did so wish
His throat did rebel and rupture long ago
One could not expect it to survive all of this (alt. Unrealistic to expect it could take all of this)
The room is littered with incompletes
Shattered to thousands of pieces carpeting the floor
Empty inkwells and torn manuscripts
Out of tune instruments and off key scores
Pictures of the past's friends and lovers
Eyes and mouths burnt out with cigarettes
Likewise his own eyes do not see
The price one pays to totally forget (alt. The price he payed to completely forget)
What an unearthly place that exists here
Shivering just beneath the ground
And yet the setting is as old as life
The Man Out of The Planet where he once was found
And when a fortress becomes a tomb
And when a creature finally succumbs to this
He'll find himself sane in a mad world
Transcending the idea of lonliness (alt. Transcending the feeling of lonliness)
Thank you for reading... |