fb help me deal with drunken voicemails

[ruri]

ok so this saturday i got some voicemails from a guy at wcc.
he's black and helped me with my chemistry.
he plays wow and looks like a taller, chubbier gary coleman.

anyway, here are the transcriptions:

“hey this is jason and I'm slightly drunk so I normally couldn't say what I'm going to say now sober because I'm a little shy but because I'm drunk I'm going to tell you so bear with me because this is going to be like four messages long. I really like you and everything but you sort of creep me out because of the random racial comments --he's talking about sticking it in and he's really really weird-- ok and I really really like you and I just wanted to know if you want to go out some time and just chill even though you kind of creep me out but because I'm drunk I'm not sure I just don't know what it is but you're really really weird and even though you make like random racial comments I like you cuz you're smarter than most people – yes she's white and has big tits, whatever—and uh cuz you're a really nice person and even though most people aren't nice to me, you are and I just wanted to let you know that and I'm going to make like three more comments like this and brb.”

“lizz I know you're there and you should pick up because this is Jason. Ok Derek is really drunk, unlike me, and I'm going to call you back in like five minutes, as in two seconds, so brb”

“lizz it's Saturday night, come on, so you should be home or out having fun or whatever. You should pick up. I'm going to call one more time—probably like four, but yeah.”

“well umm this is two of like, no three, no four, three. Three of a whole bunch of messages and like I just wanted to continue talking to you because you're not actually there and I’m just going to continue and I really like you like as I've said in the past one, maybe two messages. I don't remember. But umm I'd really like to hang out with you sometime and get to know you better and I know this is going on myspace and god damnit yet again, Derek is talking. And I know I'm drunk and honestly I can only say what I feel when I'm drunk so umm I don't know. I just really like you, and oh the thing with the tickets, the reason I was so keen on Hudson getting a ticket is so that I could go with you. even though I'm not a big fan of opera but spending time with you would be really, really nice. but I'd really like to hang out with you and even though you should know by now that I'm normally an uptight little bitch. But uh I really really like you and there are very few girls that I go after and I don't take risks and like talking to you and possibly going out with you cuz I really like you and I usually don't take chances cuz of something something sake and so…”

“yeah as I was saying I am a really interested person and I don't know what it is but I feel better talking to you and I feel I don't know what it is. And here's what you should do, you should call me tomorrow around like 3 or 4 tomorrow after I hang up and you should talk to me this whole hangover thing I'll be awake enough to actually talk to you how I really feel. Because my life's been a shithole for the past two years after my dad's strangling and almost dislocating my arm and my mom realizing that I'm a worthless piece of shit. And no, see that's not the main thing. I do want to get laid, But that's not actually my main focus. I just want someone that cares about me and treats me, yes and to cuddle with and hold, etc. this is going to sound really weird coming from me, but I'm honestly a really sensitive person and I know that doesn't show up front because I'm black and people don't respect me If I act like a little bitch. And I can't be an emo kid so I act harsher than I actually am. I and then so you should call me back around four because I'm going to wake up about one and then I'm going to be fucked up for about three hours and then you should call me sometime because I really want to talk to you so we can go out sometime and grab a bite, go to the movies, or something. Yeah or something. And this is like four out of five because I said five from the beginning. And I'm going to call you back one more time to say how much I really like you and waking up at like six am to. Oh I was talking about the play thing and I'll call back again because I'm not going to get it done.”

“ok my entire idea with the whole like—
[guy in background: "sticking it in thing"] not the sticking it in factor, which he is clearly fixated on.”

“ok I'm sorry this is number six and I said there was only going to be five but my phone died and so ok my idea about the whole play thing is that maybe I was thinking about finding some money to buy another ticket because I really want to spend time with you, and I really like you so I couldn't say this when sober and I'm an uptight little bitch and I'm locked in the bathroom so I can't listen to Derek so I can't listen to none of his shenanigans and before you take all of this drunken call thing weird this I the only way I can talk to you because I'm an uptight little bitch, and my life is sad, I know, but if you give me a chance, that's all I’m asking for. Umm I hope to see you Monday and I don't know what time you get out of class so I can see you and yeah, you should call me with that.”

“umm ok now this doesn't count as one of my six and this is Derek talking and he wants to talk and sum up what I supposedly said. ‘so what Jason said is that he wants to stick it in all night long with a little bit of alcohol involved and I'd stick it in too, I don't care who you are. Yeah, I'd stick it in. so you should do it and let me stick it in.’ he's lying but you should hang out with me on my birthday because I'm turning 18 Monday and I don't think you have class on Tuesday and so uh, it'd be perfect. we could just hang out and talk and blah blah blah. So anyway, you should do that. It's like six and a half messages and I'm sorry I called you in the middle of the night because I heard that you don't sleep and blah blah blah. And I really care about you and I just wanted to say this while I was drunk because it's the only way I could say it. I'm sorry about the whole thing about calling you fat, I didn't mean it. I was just feeling threatened and I needed a comeback so I'm sorry. Really sorry. Sorry. I'll cry about it later. Bye.”





so fb, what should I do :<
he's a good kid and i like him as a person i guess, but i'd cry if he stuck it in and it'd be horrible.



edit: i fucked up the order and the last message was actually the first :< and i fixed the apostrophes because that was irritating~

[Excel-2010]

Do people really pronounce your name with a lowercase L?

[Bromeo and Fooliet]

What is it with you and attracting black people?

Edit: Just to let you know I was pretty much expecting that last voicemail you got.

[Small Waves]

Tell him if he doesn't stop calling drunk you will call the police, but before then explain that you like him as a person (perhaps even a "friend"). Hell, am evening with him wouldn't kill you, unless he's one of those people who get the impression that after one night with someone he called to see if you're open for next week. Tell him he is not going to get to "put it in". If you must take the hard way that might hurt his feelings, try to do it as nicely as possible. Eiher way, situations like the one you're facing can be very awkward.


However, since this is FB, I say give him a hand-job and let him be one his merry way.

[ruri]

Originally Posted by m335h73r of /flex

What is it with you and attracting black people?

actually i realized yesterday that i've been hit on/been confessed feelings to by every black person i know, with the exception of malcolm.

Originally Posted by m335h73r of /flex

Edit: Just to let you know I was pretty much expecting that last voicemail you got.

yeah the order was weird on my phone and that was actually the first one

why were you expecting that :'<

[Excel-2010]

Originally Posted by m335h73r of /flex

What is it with you and attracting black people?

I have this exact same problem. The 24 November incident in particular cost me my innocence and non-cynicism.

[ruri]

i don't know what the 24 november incident was

elaborate

[UKN]

lizz you are definately good at attracting weirdos.

at least this isn't as bad as the narrative you wrote for English :<

[incogn(egro)ito]

Originally Posted by ruri

actually i realized yesterday that i've been hit on/been confessed feelings to by every black person i know, with the exception of malcolm.




yeah the order was weird on my phone and that was actually the first one

why were you expecting that :'<

Big booty white bitches my kryptonite. Well not really...lizZ is just better than every piece of vagina on this fucking forum, meaning I don't want to punch her in the face the initial seconds I talk to her. IMO, big booty and tits are just addons.


He was expecting because black people like to run trains on chicks.


Incoming Haiku

Fried Chicken and Trains
Watermelon and Crack Rocks
Big booty bitches.


Sums it up.

[ruri]

Originally Posted by UKN

at least this isn't as bad as the narrative you wrote for English :<

hahaha

maybe i should post that here

[Bromeo and Fooliet]

Originally Posted by ruri

why were you expecting that :'<

Because I read "black" and "drunk" and "man" and "voicemail".

Then I remember that it is you who is involved in this and I know how well you attract people you don't find appealing, so I put 2 and 2 together.

[ruri]

I'm really not that bad

:'<

[Excel-2010]

Originally Posted by ruri

i don't know what the 24 november incident was

elaborate

On 24 November, I was attacked in a way beyond physical.

[ANGRY ABOUT ENGLISH]

I would offer help, but all my drunken voicemails are from psychotic ex-relationships. If you want to KEEP the guy as a friend, uh... shit, I have no idea.

[ruri]

Originally Posted by Excel-2006

On 24 November, I was attacked in a way beyond physical.

come on baby
you can explain better than that~