The Official Talk Like An Englishman Thread

[Farfegnugen]

I say, 'tis a jolly good day outside, yes 'tis. I do beg your pardon for the imposition, but I am having a dreadful time finding quality bemannis. Perchance a few kind fellows coud mmmm-help a chap out mmmm-quite.

[I AM THE PROPHECY.]

BISCUITS

[ZAEN]

VERILY

[Farfegnugen]

Originally Posted by MidnightRealism

BISCUITS

BEFORE TEA

[Pij]

Good idea for a thread, learn the true English language :P

[Electronic PF]

o, 'ee wuz o diamond geezah who luv'd 'is ol' mum lawksamussy apples-'n-pears

[Farfegnugen]

Originally Posted by Pij

Good idea for a thread, learn the true English language :P

I had to adjust my monocle to such a grammatical abomination, I do say.

[ZAEN]

Originally Posted by Pij

Good idea for a thread, learn the true English language :P

INCONCLUSIVE!

[Mystic]

I'm going to go take a drag on my fag.

[Electronic PF]

O, my friends dear, have we utterly left behind the most splendid of all splendid arguments that is
LOGICAL FALLACY

[ZAEN]

She came from Greece she had a thirst for knowledge,
she studied sculpture at Saint Martin's College,
that's where I,
caught her eye.
She told me that her Dad was loaded,
I said "In that case I'll have a rum and coca-cola."
She said "Fine."
and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like common people,
I want to do whatever common people do,
I want to sleep with common people,
I want to sleep with common people,
like you."

Well what else could I do -
I said "I'll see what I can do."
I took her to a supermarket,
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said pretend you've got no money,
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like common people,
you want to see whatever common people see,
you want to sleep with common people,
you want to sleep with common people,
like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Smoke some fags and play some pool,
pretend you never went to school.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching roaches climb the wall,
if you call your Dad he could stop it all.

You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do what common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and dance and drink and screw,
because there's nothing else to do.

Sing along with the common people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the common people,
laugh along even though they're laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that poor is cool.

I want to live with common people,
I want to live with common people

[ranatalus]

sod off wankers

knickers

bollocks

full stop

shirty

lift

et cetra

[Lovely Harem Ladies]

Alright you bloody wankers, listen up! Your intolerable presence has made thee all look like gooks. I don't bloody know where the bloody fuck this thread came from, but thy balls are to be castrated upon thine misdemeanor. Bloody fuckers!

[Malev]

I'm 'fraid I can't partake in your parlor games, FB. Pressing matters at hand, for I must fend off zom- [no, don't say the "zed" word] others with a cricket bat.

--Sean

[ZAEN]

The Loyf of theh Woyf is ended by theh Knoyf.