Poetry Thread

[DakineBlack]

It never occurred to me that poetry could be constructively commented on when you're on the internet I wrote a few things for a literary mag so maybe i could get some feedback before i put them in?

My home is in the Highlands
In the hills and glens
In the forests, lochs, and Cairns.
My home is in a quiet village
Covered by a sea-borne mist
Empty of people
Who still know my name
And hope,
That I will be half the man,
The legend,
That I’ve chosen to live up to.
And thousands of miles away,
My home will always be close, and no one will ever see it like I can

[jq1790]

Ah, I wrote a poem not too long ago. I'd been experimenting with the sonnet style since we'd just recently gone into that subject in my English class, and this is what came out.

"Break"

My heart is ruled by my feelings for you
It is what keeps me here now, bound in chains.
Why must there be nothing that I can do?
I wish I could be released from these pains!
Burning, searing, my heart is on fire
As these feelings swallow me like a flood.
It is so clear what is my desire
As this love for you courses through my blood.
Will these thoughts of you from me never leave?
They defy sense and rationality...
They've caught me now, I really do believe
And I may be trapped for eternity.
But now it seems it's not only me
Who must struggle, as I have, to break free.

Constructive comments would be appreciated. =)