Need advice (preferably from women)

[Ztype]

I recently met up with a friend a couple months ago that I used to go to middle school with, and we've been hanging out a lot lately. We're pretty tight now. He's had a girlfriend for many years, and he even has a kid with her. I've been chatty with his girl since we first met too. Just recently he revealed to me that he's cheated on her a couple times. I'm against cheating, but it's not really my place to tell anyone how to live their lives.

One night we were chilling at my place, along with 2 other dudes, and he gets the idea to call a girl he's known for some time (this girl apparently has the hots for him). He invites her to come along with us to Friday's. Long story short, afterwards we bought some brew and we went back to our place and started drinking and generally having a good time. He asks me if he can have sex with her in my bedroom. I've told him many times how I've felt about his behavior so I tell him no if he wants to do that take it to a motel room. We all started playing some games, and the two of them managed to slip away into my bedroom and do the dirty. Naturally afterwards I asked him and everyone else to leave.

I've felt so guilty about letting this happen, I couldn't even sleep that night. I had to sleep on my couch because I couldn't fall asleep in my bed thinking about what just went on. My question is, do I tell her what happened? I had a very long conversation with him about it, and of course he said he would never do it again, but I honestly don't buy it. I have trouble looking her in the eyes, let alone talking to her, and I'm really just unsure about what to do about this. If I tell her I'll be betraying him, but if I don't tell her then I'm betraying her.

Any advice would be great

[squex]

Originally Posted by Ztype

I recently met up with a friend a couple months ago that I used to go to middle school with, and we've been hanging out a lot lately. We're pretty tight now. He's had a girlfriend for many years, and he even has a kid with her. I've been chatty with his girl since we first met too. Just recently he revealed to me that he's cheated on her a couple times. I'm against cheating, but it's not really my place to tell anyone how to live their lives.

One night we were chilling at my place, along with 2 other dudes, and he gets the idea to call a girl he's known for some time (this girl apparently has the hots for him). He invites her to come along with us to Friday's. Long story short, afterwards we bought some brew and we went back to our place and started drinking and generally having a good time. He asks me if he can have sex with her in my bedroom. I've told him many times how I've felt about his behavior so I tell him no if he wants to do that take it to a motel room. We all started playing some games, and the two of them managed to slip away into my bedroom and do the dirty. Naturally afterwards I asked him and everyone else to leave.

I've felt so guilty about letting this happen, I couldn't even sleep that night. I had to sleep on my couch because I couldn't fall asleep in my bed thinking about what just went on. My question is, do I tell her what happened? I had a very long conversation with him about it, and of course he said he would never do it again, but I honestly don't buy it. I have trouble looking her in the eyes, let alone talking to her, and I'm really just unsure about what to do about this. If I tell her I'll be betraying him, but if I don't tell her then I'm betraying her.

Any advice would be great

I have meet too many people cheating while having Girlfriend/boyfriend. I have experience the same and it really hard when a really best friend did something like that, even to a girl who is a best friend to me too.

What I belive and think is that if someone cheating, the one who is been cheating should know, just the longer it takes, the worse it would be for the person being cheated.

But the person who cheated must ask himself why he did it? Don't he get good sex with his girlfriend? is he tired of being with her? Does he want to experience more before being a serious family guy? Does he deserve her? Does she derserve him?

The best thing is always the thruth, but in the right way of telling.


Sorry for not being a girl :/ & sorry for my bad English

[Brazoliange]

It's fine. Good advice squex.

Dude, tell his girlfriend. She deserves to know. Would you want someone who knew your girlfriend was cheating on you to not tell you?

[squex]

Originally Posted by Brazoliange

It's fine. Good advice squex.

Dude, tell his girlfriend. She deserves to know. Would you want someone who knew your girlfriend was cheating on you to not tell you?

I Think so too, Life is like a wise person said "To Live is a slowly way of dying". Every hardship is a new experience and telling her the thruth, if your friend insist of not doing it, could be really hard for you as well. I wish you good luck and support your decision

[ZAEN]

Personally, I love these situations. I mean this not to be insensitive to your plight, but it doesn't matter on what end I am of on of these situations; I love them. Yes, I am one for theatrics and dramatics, but life would be boring otherwise.

I mean realistically the best way for you to handle this would be to tell her while having her promise to not attach your name to the situation. Assure her that you mean her and her relationship no harm, tell her what happened. Since you weren't the only one involved, you should implore her to not attach your name. Can't stress this enough. I'm not even going to go into what I would do in that situation since I'm a morally corrupt person who has little to no problem causing people emotional harm. I'm currently in the process of mentally dismantling and torturing one of my ex-girlfriends out of boredom since she's vulnerable and miserable with her life right now. Once her friends, family and boyfriend find out she's talking to me again, oh man that will be something to witness.

Look at it like this though. Would you rather betray Good or would you rather betray Evil? While I understand both of them are your friends, one is an innocent and one is being a selfish liar. Who would you feel less guilty (or more comfortable, in my case) betraying? The liar or the victim? You can't feel guilty for someone else's promiscuity.

If you decide to not tell her, do what I would do and terrorize your guy friend into thinking you are, or imply you have without saying it outright. Kill him with guilt, and let him tell her himself.

Just be careful, whichever decision you make. Try to be (or seem) as uninvolved as possible.

[Ztype]

Originally Posted by Brazoliange

It's fine. Good advice squex.

Dude, tell his girlfriend. She deserves to know. Would you want someone who knew your girlfriend was cheating on you to not tell you?

See if they didn't have a kid I would have done this already, the problem is they have a little girl together and I don't want to be the cause of a broken home.

Originally Posted by Zane

If you decide to not tell her, do what I would do and terrorize your guy friend into thinking you are, or imply you have without saying it outright. Kill him with guilt, and let him tell her himself.

This actually sounds like a fairly good route to go, I was actually just thinking about doing something like this while at work. Either this or threaten to tell her if he ever screws around again

[ZAEN]

Originally Posted by Ztype

This actually sounds like a fairly good route to go, I was actually just thinking about doing something like this while at work. Either this or threaten to tell her if he ever screws around again

Direct and idle threats will get you nowhere. You have to be subtle or nothing at all.

[DeusExMachina]

I wouldn't tell your friend. How old is your friend? If he has a kid already he's not in the dating phase of his life where he can mess around and not worry about consequences, or at the very least he shouldn't be. Telling his girlfriend that would ruin all of that. If he is a father, he should have some dignity and give him a chance that he will learn from this "mistake" that he won't do it again and eventually it will all blow over and be a distance memory in his life. My main concern is his kid. When parents fight with each other, psychological kids would think its their fault and that leads to bad consequences.

Meh I dunno its just me probably cheating never particularly bothers me unless its a married couple. And preventing your lover from cheating usually can be prevented partly on your side.

If you don't want to life, and you don't want to tell the truth, theres always the option of just not saying anything.

[Brett]

Originally Posted by DeusExMachina

I wouldn't tell your friend. How old is your friend? If he has a kid already he's not in the dating phase of his life where he can mess around and not worry about consequences, or at the very least he shouldn't be. Telling his girlfriend that would ruin all of that. If he is a father, he should have some dignity and give him a chance that he will learn from this "mistake" that he won't do it again and eventually it will all blow over and be a distance memory in his life. My main concern is his kid. When parents fight with each other, psychological kids would think its their fault and that leads to bad consequences.

Meh I dunno its just me probably cheating never particularly bothers me unless its a married couple. And preventing your lover from cheating usually can be prevented partly on your side.

If you don't want to life, and you don't want to tell the truth, theres always the option of just not saying anything.

Hmmm, it hurts when I pee. Better just not tell my wife about this and wait for it to blow over and be a distant memory.

Remember, ignoring problems always fixes them.

[ZAEN]

Originally Posted by αρχη

Hmmm, it hurts when I pee. Better just not tell my wife about this and wait for it to blow over and be a distant memory.

Remember, ignoring problems always fixes them.

Immature and unprofessional.

[WEABOO]

I've been in your exact situation Ztype. exact

I decided to tell my best friend that he was being cheated on. To this day Im not sure if that was the right idea because the drama that insued from it was unfathomable. He didnt necessarily tell everyone that I told him, but it was more like I was the only person that COULD have known, so I obviously was the one that told him.

I lost a lot of friends (most of which I realize now that I dont need) when I did that, so all I can tell you is, which ever route you take, be prepared to face drama no matter what.

Oh, and most importantly, the girl doesnt deserve to be treated like that.

[Eternal]

I dont believe in cheating either, and I like to have friends who share my principles.. you should tell her, but also suggest the idea of having some kind of intervention, try to get your friend to change his ways -- because otherwise he'll just keep doing it and he'll lose her, then the next girl he picks up he'll do the same thing to and you'll be put back in the same position.

[Paul]

I'd tell on him. Tell the chick what he's been doing, and just say you heard from a reliable source what's been going on, and not for her to tell him it was you.

But that's just me.

[DeusExMachina]

Originally Posted by αρχη

Hmmm, it hurts when I pee. Better just not tell my wife about this and wait for it to blow over and be a distant memory.

Remember, ignoring problems always fixes them.

Ignoring other people's problems doesn't fix them, but it doesn't risk you getting caught in the crossfire

[-mex-]

Zane- I like your style.