[WALTZ] circles (My proudest song yet)

aether · 07-18-2008, 12:15 AM

Hello ladies and gentlemen:

Story time.

Couple months ago, I broke up with my last girlfriend. Wonderful, wonderful girl, but we fought a lot and it just didn't work out.

Last month, I spent an entire day expressing my frustration in the form of a song, and circles came out. Though I haven't worked on it in about three weeks, it's a pretty personal piece and I wanted to make sure it came out right.

At this point, I don't see it going much further in terms of composition. The lyrics still need to be fine tuned, but the rest is pretty set in stone (unless you folks have some killer feedback).

For criticism, please view this in an artistic light. I'm not looking for production tips, and really, if something sounds 'broken', it might be for emphasis. (But bring it up anyways. You might have better ears than I do.)

Here's my heart. Take it:

http://jeremylim.ca/Jeremy%20Lim%20-%20circles_12.mp3

Cheers,

Jeremy

P.S. When the vocals come out, I'm on verse and my sister's on chorus. It'll be an interesting piece.

patrickphan2 · 07-18-2008, 12:22 AM

Let me guess, shes an asian who complained about money? Lol, just kidding, sorry to hear that. Anyways, i can feel the emotion; i see you sitting on a bridge under the moonlight and your like sob sob :/. I swear i heard this song before, well the melody but i can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was Eight by Emotional Joystick? Did you use EZ Drummer or addictive drums for the drums? I hear Nexus guitars haha. Anyways, i would rename the song to something more related to your breakup such as Broken Heart or something. Anyways, it sounds good to me. Can't wait for the updated song.

aether · 07-18-2008, 12:37 AM

That's an awful stereotype! No, there just wasn't much balance.

Haha, glad I leave that image? Sobbing under the moonlight. I've reached a new level of manliness.

I doubt the chords are the most original. It was influenced pretty heavily by Yann Tiersen, though I've never heard of Emotional Joystick before.

As for the drums, yes, I used Addictive Drums. Funny story there. Today I was just told they have a distinctive sound. Guess it's true. And yes, Nexus guitars.

It's circles because that's what the relationship was. A lot of arguments, a lot of going back and forth.

There's poetry in here, I assure you.

Synius · 07-18-2008, 01:12 AM

Wow, quite a nice choon... I'm a fan of chord progressions like this; simplicity can be beautiful. Oh, and yes, it does sound similar to "Eight".

Good stuff; wonder how it will sound with vocals!

aether · 07-18-2008, 01:18 AM

Oh holy crap, it's EXTREMELY similar. X_X ... shit. Shit.

Oh well. Chords are chords, but I'm worried about some of the melody parts that are identical ..

Crap. Oh well, at least this is on the radar. Thanks for bringing it up, guys!

sylcmyk+ · 07-18-2008, 11:21 PM

this is beautiful, I guess I'll have to make up a 30 sec ballade

after thinking hard of where i heard this song, I looked at my stupid Dover collection and found Chopin's Waltz Op 69 No 1...listen to it.

noisy doll☆ · 07-21-2008, 01:25 AM

When the drum part came in it was quite shocking for me. I was expecting a softer, more acoustic sounding jazz kit without such an abrasive snare...maybe even someone playing with brushes on a small jazz kit. The emphasis on the third beat instead of the first also threw me off quite a bit.

I really like the accordion and sad piano though. The chord progression definitely evokes a sense of brooding over and over again about a personal loss. Was there also some music box in there?

aether · 07-22-2008, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by .sylCMYK

this is beautiful, I guess I'll have to make up a 30 sec ballade

after thinking hard of where i heard this song, I looked at my stupid Dover collection and found Chopin's Waltz Op 69 No 1...listen to it.

Thank you.

Gave Op 69 No.1 a whirl, but I didn't quite see the similarities ... forgive me for being blind, but could you help point it out to me?

Quote:

Originally Posted by noisy doll☆

When the drum part came in it was quite shocking for me. I was expecting a softer, more acoustic sounding jazz kit without such an abrasive snare...maybe even someone playing with brushes on a small jazz kit. The emphasis on the third beat instead of the first also threw me off quite a bit.

I really like the accordion and sad piano though. The chord progression definitely evokes a sense of brooding over and over again about a personal loss. Was there also some music box in there?

The song is really all about contrasts. Ideally, I'm going to be doing the vocals (a bass) with my sister (a soprano). The lyric content is contrasted, too. One side is pleading, the other side is full of disdain. I wanted to express that (or at least, that's my rationale for why the sounds are the way they are.

)

Nope, no music box .. just piano bit crushing. It's Nexus on the pianos and the guitars, Hypersonic 2 on the accordions, and Addictive Drums on the drums.

ronji · 07-24-2008, 09:52 AM

i really really like the contrast with the drums. it's a little surprising at first, but with the theme of the song it's not all that surprsing (that's not a criticism). i totally got the idea right off the bat with the "circles" theme. i had a relationship like this in highschool. pretty emotional track.

i let it repeat once (the song, not my mistakes)

DJ SymBiotiX · 07-24-2008, 10:40 AM

hahaha.. omg.. the second it started.. I love that accordian sound lol.

Getting on to the rest (using regular earbuds here so I Can only comment on the composition). It has a very brooding sound yes. Kind of creepy in a sense.. I could somehow see this is a horror movie :P.. something about clowns.. or an old record player or something.

Very interesting stuff you have going on. I love the drums, and the emphasis on the third beat. Gives it another element of awesomeness.

Wow.. Im totally blown away. Very nice stuff, I definitely cant wait untill its done.

noisy doll☆ · 08-02-2008, 03:53 PM

you know, I was thinking about this song again in the shower this morning, and about your reply, and I think that it's really a very progressive work. Lots of advancements in music history involved things that didn't sound good right away to to the contemporary audience. I think it takes a smart and brave composer to realize that music is for making people feel things, including discomfort and shock. I'm looking forward to hearing it with the vocals put in

aether · 08-03-2008, 09:01 PM

Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of the critique, feedback, and love you've shared.

I have some bad news though: my vocalist can't hit the entire range of the chorus. I'll either have to re-write or find someone else.

As always though, I'll keep you in the loop!

Ryi · 08-03-2008, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeremy Lim

I have some bad news though: my vocalist can't hit the entire range of the chorus. I'll either have to re-write or find someone else.

That's what Melodyne's for!

Have her sing it to the best of her ability and pitch-correct the hell out of it!

Anyways, as always, can't wait to hear the final product!

Arctures · 08-15-2008, 05:20 PM

The only thing I could potentially see a problem with this track is the drums in the first half or two thirds. When you start them off so heavy they don't really have a place to go, so I may suggest softening them up a bit until the end. It should add to the overall dynamic structure and progression of the song since it's pretty straightforward melodically. I do like their intensity, just not right off the bat. That's all I can really say though, it's a very good instrumental track, and I assume it can only get better with vocals.